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Unexpected Pregnancy 6 min

I Became a Doctor as a Single Mom

Jessica Dalton, MD
Conquering medical school as a single mom
Outline

My dream career

Finding out I was pregnant at 22

Medical school with a toddler

Personal challenges with baby daddy

Failing then succeeding to obtain residency

Hello! There may be several reasons why you have found yourself reading this article. It may be that you are pregnant and not sure where to go from here. It may be that you want a strong career and a family and are not sure if it is possible. It may be that you are just curious about my life story and how I got to where I am today.

You are the one who decides what is possible

Regardless of your reason, I am glad that you are here and that you are allowing me to share my story with you. I hope you find it encouraging and inspiring. I hope you realize through it that you are the one who decides what is possible in your life and nobody else.

My dream career

I knew since I was in the 9th grade that I wanted to become a doctor. I took all of the hard classes and did all the things I thought were necessary to reach that goal.

In college, I studied biology and mathematics and attended pre-medicine seminars with a focus on getting into medical school. I was not raised in a medical family. I knew absolutely nothing about the process, but I knew it was what I wanted so I would figure it out.

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Finding out I was pregnant at 22

I had graduated college with my bachelor’s degree about a year before I found out that I was pregnant. A lot had happened in my life since graduation, including teaching, getting fired, working 100 hours per week, getting in a wreck that totaled my car, and moving back home with my dad.

At the time, I was working a full-time job and had met a man at work with who I started hanging out and messing around with. I was 22 with a degree in biology and I absolutely knew better, but I was not on birth control. One day I said to him, “We need to use condoms.” He said OK, but I found out later that he always took them off anyways.

By that time, however, it was too late. I decided to take a pregnancy test, but already knew by that point just based on a gut feeling that I was pregnant, so I was not surprised when the test came back positive.

I was not married. I was not even truly dating this guy. We were just having fun. This was not supposed to happen. Not now. Not with him. Even though I was an adult, I was not in a place in my life where I was ready or wanted to have a child.

But now it didn’t matter. It was too late to make that decision now. My dad didn’t speak to me for two weeks after I told him. I later found out that he was afraid that I was going to leave my child with him to raise and go off and do my own thing.

This was not supposed to happen. Not now. Not with him.

The moment I found out that I was pregnant, one of the first thoughts I remember having was “My career is over. I cannot go to medical school now.”

That thought, fortunately, did not take hold in my mind or last very long. I have always been a pretty determined person, and I made an active decision that I was not going to allow this to derail my plans for my own life. I was just going to make somebody else a part of them now.

Jessica is an achiever! Find out your Type here

Medical school with a toddler

My son was not even one year old when I started the process of applying to medical school. It was a long process that involved gathering records from school, studying for and taking the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test), getting letters of recommendation, and going on interviews for medical schools around the country all while trying to continue getting some clinical experience and working a full-time job to support myself and my son.

I was not going to allow this to derail my plans for my own life.

But I did it. When my son was about one and a half years old I found out that I had been accepted into a Caribbean medical school. It was the only acceptance I got, and I knew that this was my only chance. Just after my son turned two, I packed up our entire life into five suitcases and moved out of the country to a tiny island in the middle of the Caribbean with my two-year-old son in tow to start medical school.

It was difficult. The transition was difficult. The work was difficult. People asked how I could do it. People told me that I was amazing and inspiring, but I was just me. I wasn’t the smartest in my class. I never did as well on my exams as I wanted to.

I was balancing being the best mom that I could be with being the best medical student I could be, because I was not willing to sacrifice my relationship with my son for medicine, and I was also not willing to sacrifice my personal goals and my career for my son.

People told me that I was amazing and inspiring, but I was just me.

So I didn’t give myself that choice. I gave 100% to my son and I put 100% into school. I was not perfect at either, but after four years, I graduated.

I was now an MD with a six-year-old just finishing kindergarten who was the smartest, kindest, and the sweetest little boy I had ever met. He was my biggest supporter. The love we had for each other was unmatched.

I gave 100% to my son and I put 100% into school.

I was frequently asked how I made it through medical school as a single mother. My answer has always been, “I don’t know any other way and I can’t imagine having to go through all the stress of medical school without my sidekick supporting me along the way.”

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Personal challenges with baby daddy

My son’s father and I weren't close. There were so many personal issues between us from the beginning. Neither of us had planned on being permanently connected to each other through a child, and I don’t believe that either of us handled it very well.

He became aggressive and controlling. I became combative and defensive and wanted to maintain my independence. He did agree to allow me to take our son with me when I left for medical school, mainly because he was also trying to get his own career in the military going and was not willing or able to take care of a child on his own.

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I was not willing to leave my child behind. I was going to make it work. I think my son’s father knew that ultimately my son was better off with me; however, he had a very difficult time giving up control of me and allowing me to be independent. He treated me as if he owned me and came to see us while I was in medical school, often using our son as leverage to control me.

Only you get to decide what your life will become

Looking back, I believe I could have made better decisions regarding this area. I tried my best to maintain the relationship between my son and his father, but unfortunately, my son’s father used that to his advantage and that made things significantly more difficult for me.

I was not willing to risk my career and ability to focus in school in order to go to court for what would eventually prove to be an extensive process of determining what was best for our son. I did my best to deal with the physical and emotional abuse while protecting my son from it and working hard to accomplish my own goals.

What I would like you to take away from this part of my story is that not everyone will support you as a mother in medicine and some people will actively fight against you accomplishing your goals, but you have the strength to get through all of that as long as you remember that you are important and only you get to decide what your life will become. Nobody else.

Failing then succeeding to obtain residency

The next step after medical school in the process of becoming a licensed physician is completing a residency training program. The first time I applied to residency, I failed to match into a program. The second time I applied to residency I failed again.

I almost gave up. I began to search for other career options and ways I could use my degree without getting licensed.

Anything can be accomplished with hard work and determination.

But I knew that there was no way I had made it this far and been through everything I had been through to fail this close to my goal. It was well known that the more times you attempt to get a residency, the less of a chance you have to match into a residency program, but I was not ready to give up yet.

I applied again, and this time I matched. I made it.

I was not ready to give up yet.

I am now a first-year resident in a family medicine residency program. My son is now eight and a half years old and is thriving in the third grade. Our relationship is closer than it has ever been and there are at least two things that I know for sure my son has learned throughout our journey together: that I love him more than life itself and that anything can be accomplished with hard work and determination.

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Conclusion

I believe I was able to accomplish my goals because I had women in medicine ahead of me to look to. As I was applying to medical school, I had a friend who was also a single mom of two young boys and attended the school that eventually accepted me.

“If she can do it, so can I.”

I had several mantras that I kept in my head that helped me immensely, but one of the big ones was always “If she can do it, so can I.” She is currently practicing as a family medicine physician with her two sons by her side.

I am close behind and credit her story and inspiration with much of my own success. My desire is to be able to be that person for somebody else. If just one person finds the ability and courage to accomplish their goals because of my story, I will count this goal accomplished as well.

If you feel like your obstacles are too big and your goals too far away, don’t give up. Remember, you’re the only one who decides what you are capable of achieving. If I can make my dreams a reality, so can you.