7 Fears I had about Being a First Time Mom

Breana Johnson

5/1/2025

Big change can bring fear. Becoming a first-time mom means a whole new level of responsibility, a total schedule change, and a human being to care for. 

If you’re pregnant and scared to be a mom, you’re not alone. When I became pregnant with my son, I had a lot of concerns. This is all new to you so a lot of it feels scary, overwhelming, and filled with unknowns.But as with many things I fear, I was able to overcome, adapt, and find joy in the process. 

As my son’s favorite philosopher Winnie the Pooh said, “Never fear the shadows, they simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.”

Fear #1: Relationship’s dynamics would change

Before I got pregnant, I was pretty happy with my partner and my relationship the way it was. Adding a baby felt like it would change everything. It would change my relationship with my partner, our plans, and overall it would just mess things up. 

What I actually experienced…

Having a baby did change the dynamics of my family, of course. There was absolutely an adjustment period. It was just the two of us and then we found ourselves responsible for another human being. There were times when it felt like one of us was the default parent and that created different dynamics. The flip side was that seeing my partner become a parent deepened my love and appreciation for them. Our priorities and our plans had to be worked out, but parenting has deepened my relationship with my partner. And I love having my son in my life! Now, I can’t imagine our family any other way.

You may be in a relationship with the father, or you’re navigating a co-parenting relationship, or maybe he isn’t in the picture. In any case, you have the power to set the standard for how your relationships are impacted by bringing a child into the equation, and how to effectively communicate what you need and want from people who are in your life romantically, or are a  part of your village.

Fear #2: My baby and I might not bond

Fear #2: My baby and I might not bond

For me, this was the deepest, darkest secret of my pregnancy. At the time, there were a lot of pregnant women in my social circles, and I would see them and they seemed like they had that pregnancy glow people talk about. They talked to their growing bellies, sang, read, and were doing all the things I had been told would come from my ‘maternal instincts’.

But I didn’t feel like I was glowing. I felt like I was growing a giant uterus. My big fear was that I wasn’t going to feel anything for the baby after he was born.

What I actually experienced…

My maternal instincts did indeed kick in. As soon as I saw my baby’s face after giving birth, I felt all the love and joy I’d hoped for. With tears running down my face, I told this new, precious little person how much he was loved and how beautiful he was. My son is three years old now, and I love life with my little buddy! This isn’t the reality for everyone and sometimes there are things that can impact bonding like untreated perinatal mood disorders. Everyone’s experience is their own and your experience may not be the same as mine so make sure to lean on your support system in this season. 

Fear #3: I wouldn’t meet my educational and career goals

When I got pregnant, my partner was in med school and was gone about 80 hours a week. I was in grad school and working to support us. The actual intensity of first trimester morning sickness, tiredness, and hormones took me by surprise, and I anticipated that having a baby to care for after pregnancy was going to be just as all-encompassing.

I wanted to finish my degree before the baby was born, but my program director said she doubted that it would be possible to finish my dissertation in time. Anxiety wormed its way through my study sessions and I questioned whether I would be able to graduate at all.

At the same time, false labor forced me to cut back on work hours. I was stressed I wouldn’t be able to pursue any of my career goals once the baby came.What I actually experienced…

After a while, I realized that my main obstacles weren’t my due date, the pile of homework, or the budget. The real challenges were my mindset, my day-to-day organization, and my willingness to work hard to achieve my goals. And that I needed people in my corner that believed I could do it.

To the surprise of my program director, I did finish my degree on time. I may not have gotten the grades I wanted, but I finished! And after my son was born, I was able to modify my aims and methods to continue pursuing my career goals too. Sometimes your timeline is going to have to adjust, but that doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your goals!

[I became a doctor, etc.]

Fear #4: We couldn’t afford a baby

When you’re barely afloat as it is, the thought of adding another person to financially support can be overwhelming. When I got pregnant, we were in hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt and my job hardly covered our monthly living expenses.

To say I was really, really, really stressed out about money would be an understatement.

Maybe you’re like me, and you are worried about how you are going to increase your income, afford insurance, or get on top of debt. Maybe you have different concerns.

The good news is that there are lots of ways to adjust your budget and lifestyle, and if you can’t quite swing it, assistance programs are a great stepping stone to help you on your way. I was able to find side gigs, get help from family, and use Medicaid to make it until we had some financial stability. 

As a first-time parent, you might feel pressured to purchase every baby product you see,  due to the influence of social media and advice from others. Remember, you can buy things second hand, register for them for your baby shower, and wait until the baby is here to figure out what you really need. The reality is that your baby needs a safe place to sleep, diapers, bottles (formula feeding and breastfeeding if you plan to pump), & onesies/pjs. (Maybe double check this list against another article)

Fear #5: I would lose a part of my identity

[How Much Does a Baby Cost]

When my son was one month old, a friend asked me, “So, how does it feel to be a mom?” I paused as I fought with the ridiculous five-point harness on the car seat, and answered, “I don’t know, I don’t feel like a mom. I feel like me, but with a kid.”

It took me a little while longer to realize that’s what being a mom is. It’s being you, but with a kid. You don’t stop being yourself. Your identity doesn’t get swallowed up in mom-ness.

If anything, I found that I gained a sense of identity when I had a baby. I was still all the other things, a wife, a writer, a teacher, a friend. And now I was also a mom.

Fear #6: My body would be ruined

Pregnancy does some crazy stuff to your body. There is no getting around that. And some of it can feel really weird and bring on other forms of stress and anxiety.

Before pregnancy, I saw my body as something that should be nice to look at and that was it. I had struggled with an eating disorder and had a lot of appearance-based insecurities. Your feelings and concerns about your body changing during pregnancy are valid. The reality is that your body does change. 

Your body will grow, stretch, and transform in ways you may not expect. Acknowledging these changes can be challenging—physically, emotionally, and mentally. You may grieve the way your body used to look or feel like, and that's okay. Processing these changes means giving yourself grace, embracing the beauty of what your body is doing, creating and supporting life. 

This experience was the final chapter in my years-long struggle with body image. I have stretch marks. My belly button looks weird to me now. But I am so thankful that with the change in my outward appearance came a change in my perspective, which overall made me more thankful for my body and all that it can do. 

Fear #7: Mom life would be boring

And here is my number one reason I was scared to be pregnant: I was afraid I would be bored and miserable taking care of a child.

I had this idea that parenthood looked like one long, exhausting babysitting job. I would miss out on all the fun stuff other people were doing, and I wouldn’t ever have time to myself or the things I wanted to do or accomplish.

Becoming a mom doesn’t mean losing yourself—it’s an opportunity to grow into an even fuller version of who you are. You can still pursue your interests, nurture your passions, and stay connected to your community. In fact, embracing what makes you you not only enriches your life but also sets an inspiring example for your children. And finding activities you enjoy with your child can be a beautiful way to bond while nurturing your own interests. Whether it’s exploring nature, cooking together, or sharing a love for music or art, these moments create lasting memories and allow you to stay connected to the things you love in a new and meaningful way.

Motherhood is a chapter, not the whole story—there’s plenty of room for joy, creativity, and individuality along the way. 

Fear is real...

In my first three years of parenting, I learned that all those things I feared, whether big or small, were like shapes in the dark. They appeared to be monsters, but when I flipped on the light, they weren’t real. 

Some of my fears were irrational, and some of them even came true in ways I didn’t expect. But through it all, I found that even the worries that came true weren’t as overwhelming as I had built them up to be. I was fully capable of handling everything that came my way, and you will too.