8 Fears I had about Single Motherhood

Alice Tucker

5/1/2025

I knew I had to be pregnant by how many cycles I had missed, but I didn’t want to believe it.

This child would be mine to raise alone. What would it be like to be a single mother? So many questions and doubts. So many fears and worries.

It is normal to be afraid of the unknown. I had a picture in my head of what being a single mom would look like based on stereotypes and misconceptions. I chose motherhood but believed I was resigning myself to a life of loneliness and hardship.

However, six years later I can tell you that what I believed about single motherhood was a lie. It was through this experience I found out how resilient and successful I can be.

If you’re in the midst of making a pregnancy decision and are considering being a single mom, I understand what you are going through. Here are the 8 things I feared most about becoming a single mom and why they are false.

Fear #1: I won't have friends

When I first started the journey of single motherhood, I was ashamed of it. I thought people would look at me and assume the worst—but that was a lie. I have made some of the closest, best friends since becoming a single mom.

Finding my community was challenging at first, primarily because I lacked self-confidence. I knew no one in the area so I had to start from scratch.

I started attending a local church and was intimidated by their small group options: young adults, young married, married with children. I didn’t fit into any of the groups. I swallowed my fear and I made the leap. I showed up at the young adults group with my child, and no one said anything judgemental. They welcomed me and my baby with open arms.

I was also randomly introduced to a gal named Heather by a family friend. She has been by my side through everything and she has been one of my biggest supporters and advocates. As my daughter says “She’s family”. Sometimes it’s just having one person in your life that will fend off the loneliness and become the pillar of your personal community.

Fear #2: I won’t have a social life

It was difficult to attend gatherings, go to restaurants, and visit with friends after I had my daughter. The weight of the car seat to lug around, the restriction of nap times and bedtimes, the special food and snacks — it could be too discouraging to even leave the house.

I also worried about finding the free time to hang out with the friends I had. I was working and trying to find quality time with my child. When would I have time for my social life?

I found that the best way for me to maintain a healthy social life was to open up my little condo and be the host for my friend group. I invited everyone I knew, put my daughter to bed, and pulled out all the best board games. Before I knew it, I had a dozen people at my house every Friday night eating, visiting, and enjoying each other's company. Those people became my community.

Fear #3: I won’t be as attractive and guys won’t want to date me

After the struggles I had been through, I thought I might never want to date again. Both because I had experienced terrible things at the hands of a man and because I thought nobody would want me.

When my daughter was 18 months old, I started noticing that I was receiving more attention from eligible, attractive men than I had ever received before. I was baffled! They knew I had a child who had no father in her life, that’s a huge responsibility to consider signing up for. But it didn’t slow down the guys, they saw me for who I was—beautiful, competent, strong, and independent.

Fear #4: I’ll struggle balancing work and parenting

Finding a job that aligned with the location and hours of available childcare was daunting. I worried that my boss would be angry if I needed to miss work because my child was sick.

I was able to finish my bachelor’s degree when I was 6 months pregnant. I obtained an entry-level accounting job soon after.

I worked incredibly hard before I went on maternity leave. When I came back, I juggled pumping 3 times a day, my work schedule, and commuting back and forth from my daughter's childcare. But my work ethic opened up new opportunities and promotions.

My life goal was to become a financial analysis manager. I achieved that goal at 24 years old and realized I probably should have set higher goals! My career has excelled beyond many of my peers, and I believe that is because I am a single mom. I have the incentive I needed to provide for my child and show what it’s like to be an excellent career woman. She is my most motivating influence.

Fear #5: I’ll financially struggle

Children come with added expenses, this is a fact. They add direct costs such as diapers and child care and indirect costs such as desiring a safe car or a home with space to play. To my surprise, I found the expenses to be manageable.

I found solutions to my financial struggles. For example, using second-hand items, finding an affordable small daycare, and I devoted myself to working hard in the hours that I had to give. As a result, I experienced financial stability and the ability to provide for the needs and many of the wants of my child.

Fear #6: I won’t have much to contribute to society

I struggle to admit this, but I believed that as a single mother I would no longer be a contributing member of society. I was convinced I would now be the “taker” or “needy” one.

While it is true that I received a lot of help from friends and family during the transition to parenthood, I found that I didn’t need as much help as I thought in the long term. I found that in many ways my ability to contribute to others actually increased.

I had a much greater understanding of what it is like to struggle and could better empathize with others. I had an increased passion to love others as they needed to be loved. I found that others around me were more transparent with their pasts and struggles, allowing me to be able to better serve them and speak into their lives.

My single motherhood experience actually made me a better friend, a better employee, a better daughter, and a better stranger in the grocery store.

Fear #7: I won’t qualify for good housing options

I was very worried that I wouldn’t be able to ever get a nice place on my own. If a renter has a choice between a dual-income family or me—why would they want to pick me? I was afraid I might live with my family forever! In my experience, thanks to discrimination prevention and equal opportunity housing, my search for housing was not impacted by being a single mom.

I found a very nice little condo to rent in a town between my job and my family. The day I visited the property, there were over 30 other people also waiting to view the property. My heart sank, this had repeatedly happened to me.

To my amazement, I received a call from the property manager the following week to offer me the place. I was dumbfounded. I said, “Wait, are you serious?” And he said, “Ma’am, do you know how high your credit score is? It’s a slam dunk!”

After two more years, I ended up being able to buy my own home in California at age 25, as a single mother of a three-year-old at the time. This was due to tightly saving, investing what money I had in mutual funds, and keeping my credit score high. I was determined to find a permanent home for my little girl in a good school district before she reached kindergarten.

Fear #8: I’m not enough for my child

Child-rearing is ideal with two parents, yes, but as a single mom, with the right community around me, I can provide everything my child needs and wants. I have rallied people around me and let them know that they have a role in my child’s life.

I sat down with the young men who were part of my friend group and had conversations with them about how important it was for my daughter to have consistent male figures in her life. They took it seriously. They are there whenever I need babysitting, medicine in the middle of the night, or a crib converted to a daybed.

I chose to move to stay near my family. It was hard to move, but I believe wholeheartedly it was the right choice to make.

My family members played a huge role in supporting us. I also have found non-related “family” to be some of the most helpful, loving and influential in our lives. My daughter has two other close family friends she calls by grandparent names because they are so special to us!

Community aside, though important, I have found this to be true: I am enough. I can do this. My ultimate reassurance of this is that she does not struggle with our single-parent structure. She loves it and thrives in it.

Believe in yourself

When I found out I was pregnant I could never have imagined the incredible journey that I have been on. I truly believed every one of these myths about single motherhood.

I was afraid that I would never have friends, or date again, and that I would always struggle financially. I thought I would always feel guilty because I couldn’t be enough for my daughter. Nothing could be further from the truth!

My daughter has been the greatest joy in my life. She may have been unexpected and she may have thrown a wrench in my life plans, but she is worth it all. Being a single mom is difficult but rewarding. My biggest fears about the single motherhood journey turned out to be myths.