Finding an ethical adoption professional is crucial if you are exploring adoption as a pregnancy option. As a birth mom myself, I have unfortunately witnessed a lot of unethical practices. Unfortunately there are still pieces of the adoption system that cater more to adoptive families, as they are the ones paying the fees. This can leave women who are considering placing for adoption vulnerable to professionals who don’t have your best interest at heart. 

Considering adoption for your baby and talking with adoption professionals does not mean you are committing to making an adoption plan.

I want you to be empowered to find a professional who will fully wrap around you and whatever decisions you make. It is important to know the differences between different types of adoption professionals and what questions to ask so you can be in the driver’s seat of decisions for you and your baby.

What is an Adoption Professional?

There are a few categories of professionals who offer adoption services. Their job is to provide expectant moms and prospective adoptive families with guidance through the adoption process, and they can have different approaches to adoption and the process:

Adoption Agency

Pros

• Agencies are licensed and regulated by the state where they are located.
• Most states require professionals to have bachelor degrees and previous adoption experience.
• An agency is audited each year by the state which provides oversight and accountability to their practices.
• Agencies assign caseworkers to help with specific cases within the agency.

Cons

• Larger agencies may feel less personal and be more focused on the number of placements rather than a quality experience.
• Some may not provide counseling, post placement care, or have unethical practices. This could look like providing false information to expectant parents, pressuring expectant parents to make adoption plans, preventing expectant parents from considering open adoption, etc. 
• It’s important to do your research, ask to be connected to other parents who have placed through the agency, and listen to your gut.

Adoption Caseworker

Pros

• Caseworkers are usually licensed social workers trained to educate and support expectant moms and/or prospective adoptive families through the adoption process.
• Caseworkers typically work under an adoption agency to be with you through your pregnancy, answer your questions, counsel you, and advocate for your needs.
• In some agencies they can have other names, such as "advocates."

Cons

• Like most things, there are good caseworkers and not so good caseworkers. Some are passionate about their job to serve you unbiasedly, while some may not be as educated about changes within adoption, such as open adoption, or are biased in pushing adoption over parenting options. It’s important for you to be able to advocate for yourself if you feel like your caseworker is pressuring you, or bring someone along with you who will help you discern if this is the right worker for you.

Adoption Attorney

In every situation, including with an adoption agency, you have the right to talk to/retain an attorney.

Pros

• Attorneys are knowledgeable on adoption laws and can advocate for your legal rights.
• If you already have a relationship with a family that you would like to place with, an attorney can handle the legal aspect.

Cons

• Often they don't have the social work approach needed to help with personal decisions, open adoption relationships, post placement care or counseling.
• They often represent the prospective adoptive family and are advocating for their needs.

Adoption Facilitator

Disclaimer: Adoption Facilitators, “Brokers”, etc. are not licensed, so there is no legal oversight. In most states facilitators are illegal, and will not provide post placement support.

Be careful. Do your research, and find an adoption professional or agency that is expectant mom focused, who will care for you and your needs first. For more information on what to look for in an ethical adoption agency and what to look out for, check out sites like AdoptMatch and AdoptChange.

Tips for Finding the Right Adoption Professional for You

#1. Licensed in Your State

The adoption professional you choose to work with should be licensed in the state where you live because they will be familiar with your state’s laws.

How can you be sure?

Ask to see a copy of their license or check with your states’ licensing specialist to see if their license is in good standing or have had any complaints. If they offer to fly you to another state to live during pregnancy and for the birth, this is a sign that they are not licensed in your state. If an agency tells you they’re a “national agency,” this is a red flag because it shows they’re trying to skirt around state adoption laws. In truth, there is no such thing as a “national agency” because every state has their own adoption laws.

#2. Find a Professional that Represents Your Best Interest

Caseworker:

• You have the right to have your own representation separate from prospective adoptive parents. Find an advocate to protect you and your interests while exploring options, creating your adoption plan and care after birth. This usually will be a caseworker within an agency. This person should be in your corner, cheering you on to whatever you decide is best for you (even providing parenting resources and connections if you choose not to place), and being your sounding board throughout the process and beyond.

Attorney:

• Just as having a separate caseworker is important to protect your interests, separate legal representation is important for advising your rights with an adoption attorney. An agency should provide you with that as well. However, if you choose to work with only an adoption attorney, make sure you have your own representation as well.

#3. Face-to-Face Relationship

Walking through the adoption process requires care and intentionality every step of the way. That’s why it’s so important to interact with your caseworker in person from the very beginning. Creating an adoption plan can take a lot of emotional labor, and you deserve someone to be there with you in person as support!

If the adoption professional is only working with you through email, text, and the mail— run. If they are only going to meet you at the hospital to have you sign papers— run. You are worthy of someone taking the time to be by your side through this decision, planning process, and beyond.

#4. Right to an Open Adoption

As an expectant mom considering placing your child, you have options of how much contact you would like after placement. You are able to ask questions, take time to think, and make your own decision. You have every right to choose to parent should you decide to at any time in the process, up until your state’s revocation period.

You are able to choose, meet, and receive information about any adoptive family you are considering. You can ask for an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family and to know your child as they grow. Your adoption professional should also advise you on how to create an Open Adoption Agreement (sometimes known as a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement), which puts into writing the agreement between you and the adoptive family on how you will communicate, how many visits per year, and other details. It’s important to note that there are only 25 states who have laws that make these agreements enforceable. Check out this section of AdoptMatch’s site for more information on which states have laws regarding open adoption agreements.

A professional will also know if your state has a legally enforceable communication contract. This document helps to keep both you and the adoptive family accountable to the open adoption promises and helps to make clear the communication expectations.

Research is showing that open adoption relationships are beneficial to everyone in the adoption triad (birth parent, adoptive parents, and adoptee) in most situations. Shockingly though there are still professionals who do not “allow” or believe in open adoptions. If they do not give you options within adoption types or allow you to choose the family for you— don’t work with them.

You have the right to an open adoption, and you also have the right to decide to pursue a closed adoption. Do your research, talk to your people, talk to other birth parents or adoptive parents, so you can make a decision that makes sense for you. And your adoption professional should also explain your options if you want to change your preferences later on.

#5. Provides Post Placement Care

The adoption professional should provide post placement support in the form of professional counseling, support groups, and advocacy. Whether these services are directly provided by the agency, or they refer you out to (and pay for) a separate provider for your emotional support after placement, providing tools of healing and grief is a vital piece after adoption.

In my experience, even though I felt certain about my decision, I did experience some grief over choosing not to parent. Having the support of a group of others who understood what I had experienced, as well as access to individual counseling helped me process my feelings and move through situations that popped up afterwards. I felt like I could move forward with my goals and relationships in a much better headspace than if I hadn’t had that level of support. 

Your adoption professional should provide support as long as needed, because adoption is a lifetime journey! Just as you can expect to be cared for during pregnancy and placement, you should expect to still have a contact person checking in and caring for you after placement as well. I highly suggest talking with other birth moms who worked with the adoption professional you are considering to hear their experiences as well. Professionals should have this information available and you can also ask in birth mom Facebook groups.

A Great Adoption Professional Puts Your Needs First

I know it can be overwhelming during pregnancy to think through your options. I know it can be such a tug of war between your heart and head, wondering who you can trust, and how to gather information to make an informed decision for yourself.

Having the right professional to guide you through the adoption process with your needs being priority, not the prospective adoptive parents, will help you to make an informed decision and have support before, during and after placement. The basic facts above should always be honored by any adoption professional in your state. To help you interview adoption professionals that will advocate for your needs, we have created a printable with a checklist of questions.

If you're interested in learning more about adoption in a zero pressure environment, check out AdoptMatch, a nonprofit organization committed to promoting ethical standards in domestic adoption.