A Word to the Mom who is Pregnant (Again) too Soon

Charity Dotson

5/1/2025

It happens more than you’d think. Maybe you wanted another baby somewhere down the road, but now you’re staring at a positive pregnancy test while bouncing a six-month-old on your hip. Or maybe you were “done” having kids, and now you’re pregnant again.

If you’re in a situation like this, many questions may overwhelm your mind:

How will your partner respond? Your kids?

Can your body handle another pregnancy?

And probably the biggest concern of all: How will you juggle the responsibilities and life goals you already have with another person unexpectedly entering the picture?

I’ve stood in the midst of that overwhelming moment. I learned that it’s possible to welcome another person into your family and raise a child you didn’t plan—even if it was never the plan—and not have everything fall apart.

Pregnant Again

When I found out I was pregnant with baby number three, I was in complete shock and denial.

We had used protection, and while it didn't feel funny in the moment, visions of a Friends episode where Ross and Rachel learn they’re pregnant after using a condom flashed through my head. But I wasn't laughing at my own surprise.

At that point in time, adding another person to the family seemed impossible. Logically having another baby made no sense, emotionally it was overwhelming, and logistically (down to simply fitting another baby in the house) it felt like a nightmare. I was already struggling to meet the needs of my two other small children.

An infant & a son with special needs

When I found out I was pregnant, my daughter was 6 months old and still waking up for her 1 AM feed, and my son was 27 months old with severe special needs.

He was only 6 months old when he suffered brain trauma due to medical negligence. That resulted in severe visual impairment, epilepsy in the form of two seizure disorders, and severe cerebral palsy. His motor development is now similar to that of a 3-month-old, but his other cognitive abilities are well-developed, so he learns like any other kid his age.

When you put all the diagnoses together, you get a little boy who loves to play with trucks, blocks, and more but needs help physically and visually doing all of it. I'm the one who sits and helps him color, build the tower, and push the dump truck across the floor. I’m the one that helps him move around the house and eat through a tube in his stomach.

I help him do everything age-appropriate for his three-year-old self because he wants to do everything a little boy does, but can't on his own.

On top of my parenting responsibilities, I had other concerns as well.

Still bouncing back

My hormones were just getting back to their pre-pregnancy state from baby number two. I was still losing weight and worried I would be that woman "still losing baby weight" years after my last baby. I wasn't yet sleeping through the night and was now experiencing first-trimester exhaustion.

Guilt over negative emotions

I also felt guilty for not experiencing happiness as my first emotion, and thinking the thought I couldn’t admit out loud: “I don’t want to be pregnant again.”

I thought of people who go through so much just to get pregnant at all. And here I was, pregnant easily and unexpectedly and frustrated that it wasn't the "right" time. I felt ungrateful and nervous about telling family members and friends.

What if they judged me? We already had a lot going on with our oldest, and I feared our community might have less compassion and offer less help—like we had been irresponsible and no longer deserved to have their support system.

My other kids needed me

The biggest obstacle of all, of course, was that I already had two kids that were completely dependent on me but in different ways. With all the medical care my son needed, I just couldn't imagine raising three children and giving them all the care they needed, wanted, and deserved.

The Turning Point: Changing My Perspective

It’s hard to explain just how much I really did want another child, just not at that point in time.

What I didn't know was how this new little baby would actually heal my heart after dealing with the emotional ramifications of everything that had happened to our son. But at the time, I just couldn’t see past the present moment, holding a positive pregnancy test.

Eventually, I chose to acknowledge that this unexpected change would be difficult. And that it could also be good. I have grown to realize that the two, difficult and good, can co-exist.

But before I could get to this place of acceptance in my mind, I had to experience three other things.

1. Hearing words of affirmation

When I told my doctor I was struggling to be happy with the pregnancy, she said, "That's okay. The joy will come. Just let yourself feel what you need to right now and the rest will fall into place."

I was surprised at her calm and accepting response. I thought I had to feel happy at that specific moment. I thought I had to be joyful from the very beginning, but that wasn’t true or affirming of my honest emotions.

2. Accepting my honest emotions

It's okay to feel other emotions. Your initial emotion doesn't mean you don't want or won’t love your child. My initial denial and fear did not define my love for my baby.

Once I accepted the emotions I had, I could also make the conscious decision to embrace my family situation—regardless of other people's opinions. I was able to begin to feel at peace with the timing, to feel joy at the prospect of raising another child, and, yes, even grateful to have gotten pregnant so easily.

Eventually, I realized I was hopeful for my future and the beauty that would come from this surprise. It was a state of mind I could never have imagined only a couple of weeks before.

3. Realizing opposites can co-exist

Just think of that bowl of salty, buttery popcorn mixed with the sweetness of chocolate M&Ms you enjoy on your couch while watching a movie. Or that cup of coffee you love in the morning; the bitterness of the coffee beans swirling around with your favorite sweetener.

There are so many enjoyable moments in life that are filled with opposites. When I noticed these opposites could not only co-exist, but that I was seeking them out, something clicked.

I started applying the idea of coexisting opposites to my situation. A piece of me has always known it’s invalidating to focus only on the positives when life is stressful or hard. But it doesn’t have to be only one or the other. Thoughts, emotions, and even life itself can be both stressful and full of joy.

Accepting the tension between the beauty of another baby and the stress of another baby is what finally brought me peace. It was a deeper realization and wisdom I probably wouldn’t have gained if not for the shock of my pregnancy.

If You’re Struggling

If you didn't plan for your life to take this turn, or if you feel like you can't make room for anything (or anyone) more, I was there, too.

It's okay to acknowledge your hard emotions because they illuminate the positive ones. We wouldn’t understand the full extent of happiness and peace if we didn’t experience things like frustration and stress.

It's okay for your life to be in a different place than you planned.

It's okay to not know how to process your situation right now.

Where I'm At Now

My surprise baby is now seven months old. My daughter is about to turn two, and my oldest son is three and a half. Because of the pandemic, all my son's therapies and preschool are virtual, and our social interactions only occur during occasional outdoor playdates. The five of us are squished into a tiny townhouse, and my seven-month-old still isn't sleeping through the night.

Some days I feel so overwhelmed and tired. But the joy I have from seeing three smiling little faces every day is more abundant than I can explain. Now, I can’t imagine my life without our surprise baby.

The unplanned joys of my unplanned baby

He's the one I keep snuggling long after everyone else is asleep.

His head is the one that has caught many tears as I process deep emotions.

His smile is the one that makes my heart overflow with satisfaction and joy.

His voice is the one that sends my toddler into action as she goes to greet her little brother from his nap or bends over to pat his head in comfort when he cries.

His company is what my oldest enjoys when I can't pick him up to play, so the boys just lay on the floor together like little buddies.

He has brought my husband around full circle as a father. As great as my husband is with kids, he didn’t have a lot of baby experience. Now that he’s a dad, three times over, he can do more enjoying and less worrying.

My youngest is the child we didn't know we needed. He is the surprise that keeps surprising us over and over again. Some days are really hard. But I’ve chosen to accept the hardships because without them I also wouldn’t have my baby boy and the added love I now possess.

And to my surprise, there is enough of me to go around.

Conclusion

More than a year after that pregnancy test, I wouldn’t change a thing about the timing of my third baby. Without him, I wouldn't have grown to be the woman I am today.

Adding a kid you didn't plan for is hard. Adding a kid you didn't plan for can also be an amazing, unexpected journey. For me, it opened up a whole world full of new opportunities for personal growth, extra love and joy, and hardships that contributed to the woman I am right now.

To be a mom is to know joy and pain side by side, and this is an unexpected, often unexplainable gift. Don't be afraid of the hard, the unknown, the yet-to-be-conquered. You don’t have to know what the future will look like to decide to be open to what you haven’t imagined yet.

And the women behind She Might are here to help you through every step of your unexpected journey.