Am I Ready for a Baby?

Cheyenne Erickson

11/6/2024

There are lists, books, and thousands of Instagram accounts all dedicated to helping you feel ready for a baby—but how do you know when YOU are ready to take that step?

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother knew she was ready when she saw a baby sock. Rachel in Friends knew she wanted to have a baby after her friend tricked her into thinking she wasn’t pregnant before revealing her positive pregnancy test.

Whether you are thinking about starting a family or you’re currently pregnant and deciding whether to continue the pregnancy, jumping into parenthood can be scary. No one can ever be totally ready for the life changes a child brings, but you can determine if your heart is open to the possibility.

1. Identify your fears

Name what is bothering you

It’s natural to ask the question of whether or not you’re ready for parenthood. And asking the question may bring up some fear. Sit down and write out a list of everything you fear about becoming a mom. There is power in naming what’s bothering you.

Honestly, I hadn’t really thought about becoming a mom until I was staring at my positive pregnancy test at twenty years old. If I had sat down and written a list of my fears at that time, I would have said that I was afraid to become a mom because:

  • I’m not married / I’m not sure I want to get married
    • How will I finish school with a baby?
      • I’m going to mess up this kid
        • I don’t want to gain baby weight
          • I want to be able to spend my time pursuing the career I’m working towards.
            • I don’t have health insurance
              • My parents and community will not approve

                Many of the concerns I listed are common among people thinking about having children. According to a poll that the New York Times took in 2018, young adults are less likely to want to have kids because they want leisure time, they haven’t found a partner, or they cannot afford childcare.

                The Pregnancy Clarity Quiz

                Sometimes it is hard to identify exactly why you have reservations about having a baby, but you still want to process your decision. That is why we created the Pregnancy Clarity Quiz.

                The questions are based on over 100 in-depth interviews with women of various ages and backgrounds. The quiz assesses your basic strengths, habits, and tendencies to help you process your next steps with greater self-awareness and confidence.

                It’s natural to be nervous about all the change a baby would bring into your life. Let’s examine some ways to work through your fears.

                Take our Quiz

                Complete a simple set of questions that uncover your unique strengths, as well as your concerns about a pregnancy. Each question is thoughtfully crafted to guide you through a self-reflective journey. Receive a comprehensive report on your Clarity Type along with personalized tools and resources meticulously crafted to aid you in your pregnancy decision. Each element is tailored to you, providing valuable guidance for your unique journey.

                Take the Quiz

                2. Problem solve

                Once you have identified some of your concerns about becoming a parent, you can decide if you want to work through some of those roadblocks. Remember, the question of whether you are ready for kids is relative to you. If you want to become a parent, you can rearrange your life and make it work!

                Here are some examples of how you might work through a few of those roadblocks.

                Example 1: Financial Concerns

                Are you afraid that you can't handle the financial aspects of raising a child? The USDA cites the yearly cost of a child as $12,980 for a middle-income family. But just because you cannot afford that price doesn’t mean that you can’t have a child.

                According to She Might’s “How Much Does a Baby Cost?”, a baby can cost as little as $550 during the first year of life. Are you surprised? Download our Baby Cost Calculator to find out what a baby would cost based on your unique lifestyle.

                When I became a parent, my boyfriend and I were both students, and neither of us had a full-time job or health insurance. We decided to finish our education while living on loans and government assistance. It was humbling to accept SNAP and Medicaid, but it is what we had to do. Five years later, we are both working our dream jobs and paying for all child costs out of pocket.

                Even though it wasn’t the entry into parenthood we dreamed of, we made sacrifices, accepted assistance, and made it happen.

                Tips for being financially ready for a baby:

                • Budget
                  • Be willing to make sacrifices
                    • Focus on what is necessary rather than Instagram perfect
                      • Be willing to accept assistance

                        Example 2: Relationship Concerns

                        Are you scared that a baby would mess up the great relationship you have going? Are you currently pregnant and not sure what to do about your child’s father?

                        It’s not all happily ever after like the Disney movies make it out to be. Can you have a good life if you have a child before you are married, or aren’t in a committed relationship with the father? Yes!

                        My friend had an unexpected pregnancy but she waited a few years to marry the father. She told me, “I didn’t want to feel like my marriage was just a parenting plan. Because while parenting and marriage go very well together, they are not the same thing.” You can have a child even if the timing with your relationship isn’t perfect.

                        Tips for settling relationship issues

                        • You don’t have to be in a stable romantic relationship to be a great parent
                          • Pursue relationship counseling with your partner
                            • If you’re struggling to afford relationship counseling, look into your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work, research pay-scale options, or look into sessions offered by non-profits or religious institutions.
                              • Think through how your partner and you can share the responsibilities of a new baby. If you are separated, consider researching co-parenting options.

                                3. Be at peace with your decision

                                Expectations, Dreams, and Reality

                                When I thought about becoming a mom, I had this picture my head. I would besuccessful in my chosen career, bilingual so I could teach my baby English and Spanish, patient and in control of my temper so I wouldn't yell, and able to pay for everything my child wanted to do.

                                When I found out I was going to be a mom, none of those things were my reality, and  I was terrified! But I stepped into motherhood anyway and did my best to give my kids what I can every day. It may not be like I imagined, but I’m still hopeful ofhaving a successful career, learning Spanish, and becoming more patient.

                                What is your vision of becoming a mom and how does that meet up with your reality now? You may never view yourself as perfect enough for your children, but you can model becoming a better person for them.

                                The Identity Shift

                                Historically, there have been stereotypical mom responsibilities. Think 1950’s women in heels and an apron taking care of a young child. You probably don’t envision yourself as that woman, but may subconsciously fear that people will expect you to be her. But in reality, motherhood looks very different today and you can choose how you want your version of motherhood to look.

                                Who you are now and what you value in life matters. And just like any big life change, having a baby will change some things about you. When you become a parent, your focus will shift and you will have to make decisions about how to use your time, energy, and resources. Heck, even your name for some people will change to “Mommy”. But that doesn’t mean that you have to disappear or fit into a mold.

                                If you are concerned about losing your identity due to motherhood, I would encourage you to write out your goals, hobbies, and things that make you happy.

                                Check in with yourself throughout your pregnancy, after you have your baby, and into your journey as a mom and see if those things are still true about yourself. If you are meeting your goals, that’s awesome! If you have fallen short then make a plan to get back on track. And you will find that some goals just don’t matter anymore.

                                The question is, at the end of the day, are you happy with your choice? Can you be at peace with the decision of having a baby?

                                Conclusion

                                Readiness for parenthood is determined by your willingness to make space in your life for a child. Remember, list what you are afraid of. See if you can solve any of the concerns you have. Then take a good look at who you are, who you want to be, and how children fit in.

                                Children will never fit into your life like a missing puzzle piece. They are more like a paint splatter, they change the picture on a puzzle. Only you can decide if you want to persevere, embrace the change, and take that step.