In so many cultures, families, and friend groups around the world, alcohol is a mainstay of celebration and ritual., For many, the idea of abstaining completely for nine months can be a bit of an inconvenience, to say the least. And inconspicuously avoiding alcohol, especially in the early stages of an unexpected pregnancy, can add anxiety to an already tense situation.

Drinking can also be a coping mechanism or form of relaxation for many people, for better or for worse, and having to learn new ways to unwind and de-stress can seem daunting and particularly cruel when coping with the stress of an unexpected pregnancy.

Educating yourself on the risks of alcohol in pregnancy and making a plan for avoiding it can help you take control of your health and the health of your baby.

What are the risks of drinking during pregnancy?

You’ve probably heard some people say it’s ok to have a glass of wine a day during pregnancy, or that your grandmother never stopped drinking while she was pregnant and all her kids turned out fine, but the reality is that there is no determined safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy. And no, wine is not somehow safer than other types of alcohol. They are all considered to pose an equal risk to a baby.

There is also no “safe time” to drink alcohol during pregnancy as the alcohol can pass through the placenta to the baby at any point during the pregnancy. Drinking alcohol during pregnancy is associated with miscarriage, birth defects (hearing and heart issues), premature birth, and stillbirth.

Heavy alcohol use during pregnancy can cause lifelong disabilities known collectively as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders. These include abnormal facial features, short stature, learning disabilities, attention and/or hyperactivity disorders, and poor reasoning and judgment skills.

However, if you have found out you have been pregnant for a few weeks (or months) unknowingly and have continued to drink, don’t panic as minimal alcohol exposure early in pregnancy is unlikely to have serious health effects. But do stop drinking as soon as you find out.

How to stop drinking for nine months

Get creative with your non-alcoholic drink alternatives. New and delicious alcohol-free beers and wines are constantly coming on the market and Pinterest is full of delicious mocktail recipes.

If you find that you are struggling to quit drinking, or if you are concerned you have an alcohol use disorder, please talk to your OBGYN. They will help you find resources to support you

Your OBGYN can also connect you with treatment centers in your area. Alcoholics Anonymous is another resource to help you stay accountable and have support staying sober during your pregnancy. This website has tons of resources and information regarding getting support in your area.

Being discreet

It may be early on in your pregnancy and you still want to consider your options, or perhaps you aren’t ready to tell those around you that you are pregnant. 

I know the stress all too well of trying to keep the news private while continuing to go to social events. I remember my anxiety about whether or not to tell my best friend that I was pregnant only a week after finding out myself, compounded with the stress of working out how to avoid drinking the whole weekend we had planned to spend together. And at a family reunion, I had to break the news to my cousin just so she would stop asking me to do shots with her. Ultimately you get to decide who you tell and when, and I sincerely hope you don’t have to experience pressure to break the news because of trying to avoid alcohol, but in the event you find yourself in a situation where not drinking seems suspicious, here are some tips:

• Arrive at the bar/restaurant early and order a mocktail right away or offer to get the drinks from the bar for friends and order a non-alcoholic one. You could even tell the waiter/bartender to only serve you non-alcoholic options.
• At a party, hold your drink in your hand all night and take some fake sips. You can dump it out when no one is looking. Pro-tip: If you get canned beer no one can see how much you are drinking.
• Bring your own non-alcoholic beer and wine to the party or dinner. Many of them can easily be mistaken for true alcoholic beverages.
• Make an excuse about a headache or already feeling under the weather.
• Blame it on an important work presentation the next day that you have to wake up really early for.
• Say you are “on a cleanse” or doing a “dry January” (or whatever month it is).
• State you are taking a medication that you worry might have a potential interaction with alcohol.
• Tell your friends you just don’t feel like drinking tonight. Sometimes no reason is the best
• Confide in a very close friend or family member who will help cover for you and deflect any peer pressure to drink.

You got this!

Nine months can feel like a long time to give up alcohol and put certain habits and rituals on hold, but it doesn’t last forever. Having a game plan in place for how you are going to avoid alcohol in social settings can help mitigate some of that stress. When the temptation to return to alcohol becomes strong, remind yourself of your why. A healthy pregnancy for you and for your child.

Mom to mom, I promise you, it’s worth it.