Do you feel a raging war building in your heart? You love your career. You’re successful and climbing the ladder. But you also miss your kiddos. You dream of stepping away and giving your time and energy mainly to your family.

You aren’t alone. In fact, our generation is choosing pursuits other than family life. We have the highest rates of childlessness and the lowest fertility rates in U.S. history. So, if you have decided to become a mom you are now faced with a secondary choice: Do I continue to work?

This is a question people have very strong opinions on. Here at She Might, we believe you should be empowered to do what is best for you and your family. You get to define what motherhood looks like!

My goal in sharing my story is to give you an example of what it’s like to leave corporate life and become a full-time mom. I have a Ph.D. and made six figures, and I chose to walk away from my professional life because that is what was right for me and my family.

While I might not understand your exact situation, I can relate to this hard decision. I am writing to encourage you that this wild, crazy ride of full-time motherhood is worthwhile and enjoyable!

Creating and Maintaining a Work/Life Balance

The decision to become a full-time mom was a long detour for me. My husband, Kyle, and I first got married at the wee ages of 19 and 20. We wanted five+ kids and a life of full-time Christian ministry. However, after some encouragement from a professor and mentor, I decided to pursue a Ph.D. in Sociology at Vanderbilt.

We had our first daughter, Miriam, three years into my Ph.D. program. I loved Sociology and research, so we planned to either delay having another baby or not have any more children. We liked the predictability, ease, and affordability of one child.

A couple of years later, I defended my dissertation, and I started my career consulting as a Research Statistician. I loved my job and I wanted to become an essential part of the business and a reliable member of the team. Having another baby seemed impractical in comparison to the career I was trying to build.

While I was making strides at work, I was less reliable at home. In that first year, I was exhausted and had little left for Kyle or Miriam. Cracks in my perfectly, planned life were starting to fester. Our family had unintentionally become all about my career plans and Kyle and Miriam were competing for my focus.

In 2020, right after COVID hit, it was clear that something needed to change. As I transitioned to working from home during the pandemic, I could see first-hand how my family needed me. I realized I couldn’t love my career or aspirations more than my family and expect our family to thrive.

Deciding to Leave the Workforce

It was not an easy decision, but the unexpected finally brought me to the decision point. My marriage was falling apart, my daughter needed my attention, and I was pregnant again. We took a step back and realized that I had gotten swept up in my career and was struggling to balance the goals we had set as a family with my job taking over my capacity. 

Don’t get me wrong, I loved working. I loved being successful. I loved my job. And I also love my family. At this stage of my life, I felt like I was not finding balance, and I decided to step back from work to be a full-time mom.

Kyle accepted a new job and I transitioned to full-time motherhood in April of 2021. This allowed us to really consider growing our family  taking advantage of my best fertility years, which is exciting and adventurous for me.

What Being a Full-time Mom Means for Me

There are so many hopes and dreams for my children that I can now work to achieve daily. I get to homeschool our daughter. I get to see first-hand our son grow and change. I get to play and have fun with my kids. And bonus I get to have a third baby this Fall without dreading a short maternity leave and expensive childcare costs! Work is no longer competing for my time; instead, my most important client is my family, and our outcomes are my priority.

It is divisive to pit “working moms” versus “stay-at-home moms” because these roles are not mutually exclusive. The truth is, being a mom is a job. We pay people to do this work when we work outside the home.

Just because the work is unpaid, does not mean it is invaluable. You might get food in your hair instead of a pay raise or slobber-filled, open-mouth baby kisses instead of a promotion. Your return on investment looks more like pencil-marked growth charts instead of a profit margin line. These parts of my current job are just as valuable and rewarding as accolades from clients and colleagues.

I know my investment in being a full-time mom has both short and long-term gains in the outcomes of my children. I get to grow closer with them, which also benefits my well-being.

We’re Not What We Do

I chose to “give up” a valuable career, but personally, I think I was giving up a lot more when I was working. Not only am I deepening my relationship with my husband and kids, but I also have lots of opportunities to continue using my skills in creative and exciting ways.

For starters, I have options to work part-time or contract out for short periods of time. I now can volunteer in the community and support other moms, which is very fulfilling to me.

If you’re like me, maybe you proudly wore or are wearing your education or career as a badge. I really enjoyed answering the question “What do you do?” because it let people know that I was “worth something.” But you and I are worth a lot no matter what we’re doing. This identity struggle is the first piece of clutter we must let go of if we’re going to embrace this new adventure.

You and I are not what we do, but who we choose to be. Even if you transition to full-time mom, you can’t find your identity there either. Your kiddos will grow up, leave home eventually, and you will still have worth. My children can’t be my identity, but being their mother can be my occupation for the time being.

I’m choosing to “lean in” and be attentive during these fleeting years of raising tiny humans and finding a lot of joy here. I want to work hard for my family that I love so dearly.