We all remember that iconic scene in the Princess Diaries when Mia is told that she is a princess and her life is forever changed. Anne Hathaway yells “shut up” at Julia Andrews before fleeing the garden.

Not the same as finding out you are a princess, but theoretically just as life changing, is the moment when you see a positive pregnancy test result. You probably felt a host of emotions stronger than “Wow, gee whiz, golly wolly”. You may feel at a loss of how to cope with the emotions and feel like you are in an unknown reality.

As you grapple with understanding that you are in fact pregnant and you need to make a pregnancy decision. Your body may have certain reactions, called stress or trauma responses, that are important to understand so that you can have clarity of mind.

Responding to Your Pregnancy News

The reality of an unexpected pregnancy is that it brings change to your life one way or another. Change is hard and we are all wired differently to respond to the changes we experience.

It could be that when you found out, your thoughts started swirling, “Are these accurate results? Maybe it’s a false positive. What am I going to do? This isn’t happening.”

Maybe you immediately went numb, and frozen at that moment. Your muscles started to tense, your heart rate went up, and you started to breathe a lot faster.

Perhaps, all you wanted to do was ignore the pregnancy test and move forward with your day without thinking about it.

These responses are how your body is trying to protect you from the stress you are experiencing.

Fight, Freeze, Fawn, Flight

Maybe the circumstances surrounding your unexpected pregnancy are traumatic or it could be that this surprise has left you stressed and unsure what to do. Either way, you may experience a stress response because our brain and autonomic nervous system is built to protect us. When we experience stress or have an experience that the body/brain thinks of as a perceived threat, hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released and we typically fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

What can fight, flight, freeze, or fawn look like?

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Identifying Your Stress Response

Although every situation is unique, below are some questions to ask yourself that may help you identify how you are processing your unexpected pregnancy and the stress that comes with making your decision.

Are you rushing to make a decision quickly? (Fight Response or Flight Response)

Are you avoiding thinking about making your decision or avoiding feeling any emotions about the unexpected pregnancy? (Freeze Response)

Are you relying solely on the view and opinions of others to make your decision without trying to discover what you want and need? (Fawn Response)

Are you keeping the decision quiet and isolating yourself because you are afraid of judgment or shame? (Freeze Response)

Identifying your stress response is important, but what do you do with this information is key to moving forward in making your decision.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Let’s talk through some questions that may help you to understand where you are at and how you are feeling about the pregnancy.

When I found out I was pregnant, I felt these emotions:

When I found out I was pregnant, I felt this way in my body:

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately wanted to:

Making a Wholehearted Pregnancy Decision

You may be thinking, “I’m pregnant now what?” It may feel easier to push yourself to make a decision quickly and try not to feel what you are feeling. You may be experiencing fear, anger, or uncertainty and may not know how to make your decision. Here are some tips on how you can move forward and make a wholehearted decision:

Acknowledge your feelings: Start by acknowledging how you are feeling and what ways your body is responding to the stress. Take some time to sit with this or journal about how it is impacting you.

Talk to a safe person: It can feel natural to try to go inward and isolate in a season of stress; plus, sharing that you are unexpectedly pregnant may bring an additional layer of stress to you. While it may seem easier to carry this burden on your own, remember you have people who love you and want to be there for you.

During this process, remember that you are not in control of how people respond or what they say but you can control what you filter in and out of the interaction. If you feel like you aren’t ready to seek out support from your family and friends, that’s okay. It is a good idea to find support that works for you in the decision-making process.

She Might has Clarity Coaches standing by if you would like a safe and confidential space to process your next steps in a virtual face-to-face setting. Additionally, there are many resources available virtually or in-person to meet with a therapist to process your decision.

Identify your coping skills: What helps you in moments of stress? Do you need to take a moment to journal, talk to a safe person, go on a walk, or practice deep breathing? Using the skills you have in your tool box can help you center yourself to take on this decision. Here are some relaxation techniques that may be helpful for you.

Overcoming Your Stress Response

No one responds to a surprise pregnancy in the exact same way. In fact, our experiences throughout our life inform the way our bodies respond to perceived threats. I know this can feel overwhelming, but I want you to know a few th

You’ve got this.

You have the power to make a whole-hearted decision about your pregnancy.

You deserve support in making this decision.

She Might is here to walk with you on this journey.

Recognizing how you are responding to your pregnancy news is the first step in making a pregnancy decision. You are stronger than you know, and will be able to make a choice that aligns with your head, heart, and gut.