The CDC reported that nearly 1 in 8 women experience Postpartum Depression (PPD). Even though having a Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder is an experience many women share, somehow we still feel guilty and alone in our struggles after becoming mothers.

Here are the stories of four women who experienced Postpartum Depression. They believe that by sharing what they’ve been through they can encourage you to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you don’t have to get through this alone.

Grace’s Story: After a Traumatic Birth

My firstborn came into this world via emergency c-section at 34 weeks due to me developing pre-eclampsia. I was in respiratory failure, so I ended up delivering under general anesthesia and didn't get to see my baby until the next day, and didn't get to hold him until he was 4 days old.

His 17-day NICU stay ultimately contributed to me becoming incredibly angry and anxious once he was a few months old. I was often afraid to leave our apartment for fear someone would take my baby. Everything and everyone made me so angry when I am usually a very agreeable and quiet individual.

I felt like I was in constant "flight or fight" mode. 

What helped you through the season of Postpartum Depression?

My husband encouraged me to talk through my traumatic birth and NICU experience by helping me find a therapist I trusted, and I saw her every two weeks for several months.

I had one mom friend who would take weekly walks with me at the park with our little ones in strollers. I looked forward to it all week. She was so gentle and patient with me, especially when I felt like a terrible mother. It was amazing to realize that I was not alone in motherhood.

What would you say to someone who has not had a baby yet, and is scared of experiencing postpartum depression?

You are the mother your baby needs! Before having a baby, set yourself up with a good support system of individuals you trust. This could include professional support too. When your baby arrives, get ready each morning and take them for a short walk or an errand. Getting out for even a half hour every day helps you to have a clearer mind.

Kaitlyn’s Story: Medical Professionals Need Help Too

I am a Physician's Assistant , so I was used to seeing and treating others with depression regularly.  I had told many patients prior to my own experience that treating depression could be similar to treating physical ailments, with medicine ____.  It took my OB confronting me about my constant feelings of guilt and daily tears for me to realize I was in the same boat as all of those patients. I was experiencing postpartum depression.

One of the risk factors for postpartum depression is issues with breastfeeding or breastfeeding trauma. Working in medicine, I knew the medical benefits of breastfeeding and before giving birth was determined to exclusively breastfeed. However, I had horrible pain with each feeding, and my baby was losing too much weight. I had to pump to be able to feed her enough, and developed multiple severe infections related to breastfeeding.

I had these constant thoughts telling me I was a failure of a mom to be so bad at breastfeeding. That I was all alone struggling with this. That there was no hope of ever having the breastfeeding journey and feeding my child the way I had envisioned. It took a professional (my OB) to help me put together the pieces that this experience had triggered postpartum depression, and that I needed some different support, so I started taking medications for both my physical and mental well-being. 

A couple of weeks after starting back on a higher dose of my Lexapro I felt like a new woman! I stopped crying daily, and I started enjoying my newborn again. I could approach my breastfeeding situation logically and not berate myself for weaning early. I was so grateful for my OB, and for all my family and friends who offered prayers, support, meals, and babysitting.

What would you say to someone who is scared of experiencing Postpartum Depression?

If you have a history of depression, prepare yourself mentally to have a setback postpartum. The hormones, lack of sleep, and overall complete change of your life is a setup for a recurrence of depression.

On the other hand, I expected to be so overjoyed at finally holding my baby in my arms that depression couldn’t possibly touch me. Having high expectations for how I would feel and how everything would turn out left me unable to process my unmet expectations. Holding your plans and hopes for this transition loosely would help you mentally prepare for things to not happen as you expect. And if you are already on some form of antidepressant medication, you’ll be better prepared to start, restart or increase the dose of antidepressant medication.

Mercedes Story: Battling Intrusive Thoughts

My OBGYN gave me a screening questionnaire at my follow-up visit, but even before that, I knew that I was feeling more anxious and sad than normal. I would have frequent very negative and scary thoughts, which I learned are known as “intrusive thoughts.”

I thought my baby was constantly suffering but I was incapable of understanding her cues. I thought people trying to help me was their way of trying to prove they were better caretakers than me. I was overwhelmed by the idea of going back to work and turning into a worse mother. I was nervous to leave the house, wanting to stay home so I could always help my baby eat or sleep in an ideal environment.

Things got worse when we struggled with breastfeeding around 5 weeks postpartum, and I took our inability to consistently and sufficiently nurse as a sign that I was lacking as a mother. While being overwhelmed (to an extent) and nervous about caring for a newborn are common experiences, it’s not normal to be constantly filled with negative self-talk and anxious thoughts.

What helped you through that season of postpartum depression & anxiety?

Therapy was a big help to me. It gave me a safe space to share the very negative and scary thoughts I couldn’t easily share with friends and family. It was helpful to hear her contradict the intrusive thoughts about my baby suffering or me being fully replaceable in her life as a mother.

Additionally, I spoke a lot with trusted mom friends—moms in a similar season of life and with a similar approach to life and parenting. We all supported each other and created a safe space to celebrate the good and the bad and the really depressingly difficult moments of motherhood.

Some other really simple things helped too. I journaled my intrusive thoughts so I could get them out of my head. I tried to do basic tasks, like folding laundry or chopping vegetables, mindfully to ground myself. This means focusing on how things feel in my hands, slowly focusing on a really simple task, not rushing, and taking deep belly breaths while I work.

I spent time listing all the good things I was doing for my baby. Sometimes, this list was very basic. For example, I thought about how I make sure she has a clean and safe place to sleep at night, access to doctors when she needs them, clean diapers and clothes, and books to play with. For me, it’s a lot of small things I can use throughout my days to overcome my PPA/PPD symptoms.

What would you say to someone who is scared of experiencing Postpartum Depression?

If the fear of experiencing PPD or PPA is overwhelming, I would encourage you to get support now. A therapist can help build a support plan, or a partner can help put resources together in case PPD does happen. This can include creating a list of local newborn parent support groups, stocking a freezer with food, and learning about PPD symptoms so they can help identify them.

Anja’s Story: Seeking Help With Limited Time and Money

My first pregnancy included an unplanned NICU stay and some medical complications with my own health, which meant I was unable to hold or nurse my baby when he was born, which I had long envisioned and planned in my head.

He left the NICU healthy, but I had a lot of grief because I felt that being prepared and educated meant I was owed a beautiful birth with no complications like I had read about. Coming to terms with my new reality while unpacking my hospital experience and how medical personnel had treated me while my baby had colic kept me in a very difficult emotional state for nearly a year.

After my second son’s birth, he went to the NICU and ended up having disabilities. A lack of sleep, birth trauma, and navigating my son's special needs led me to pretty dark emotions— guilt, anger, and grief. I found writing my emotions and even sharing them with loved ones helped me understand my grief better. I have to stay extremely mindful of taking care of myself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Time to myself, even 10-30 minutes, can flip an entire evening into manageable!

What helped you through your postpartum depression?

I continued to speak with my therapist, even if I could only do so on the phone, and even if I only had time or money once a month. I kept the conversation open with my OB and therapist about needing medication. Ultimately, I tried it and decided against it. I made sure that my OB and therapist were aware of my stopping the medication as well. Professionals know best how to help us evaluate what’s best for each individual.

I also avoided venting to people who would not listen or would offer unrelatable advice. A couple of my girlfriends made sure I occasionally did something out of the house without a baby.

What would you say to someone going through this right now?

If you are considering going to talk to a counselor, set up the appointment. If you have insurance, call the phone number on the back of your insurance card to ask if you have a number of sessions you can attend for just a small copay. Many local nonprofits and churches have free counseling. Apps like Betterhelp offer counseling at discounted monthly rates. And if counseling doesn’t seem like the right fit, find someone in your life, a mentor, another mom friend that can bring some objectivity to your situation and help you see outside of your day to day.

Especially for first-time moms, it can feel like time is moving in slow motion after having your baby. It can be hard to see or feel your old self or believe she will ever be “back.” One day, no matter how unbelievable this sounds, you will look back and realize that these months felt like years but truly were months or weeks of life. Ultimately, the storm clouds will pass. That doesn’t delegitimize the seriousness of it. Recognizing it is happening is such a victory in itself.

Acknowledge your feelings

We believe your future is bright, you are worthy of help and you add value to this world. If you are experiencing postpartum depression please know that you need to do two things: 

1. Recognize you are struggling 

2. Allow yourself to be helped.