Four years ago, I debated whether or not to announce my unexpected pregnancy on social media.

After all, if your pregnancy was a surprise for you, it will probably be a surprise for friends and family as well, no matter how they find out. And in a digital era, there are more channels than ever to post a pregnancy reveal, introducing new variables to consider.

It’s important to have a healthy mindset about announcing your pregnancy, so you avoid any long term consequences of posting before you’re ready.

So, should you post?

Here are 6 empowering questions to ask yourself before you announce your big news online.

1. Why are you posting?

First, do an honest self-examination. Why do you want to post on social media about your pregnancy? Are you excited to share the news? Have you seen other announcements from your friends and feel pressured to post one of your own?

Do you just want to get it over with—to explain that you’re growing a baby rather than gaining weight?

You don’t have to announce it.

It seems a little unimaginable in this digital age, but you don’t have to announce this important life event online. If you need space and privacy right now, give that to yourself.

Consider the pros and cons of “posting” vs “not posting." What are the good things that can come from an online baby announcement? What are you most afraid of?

If you decide you want to post, then do it with the healthy mindset of inviting your friends to share in your joy for your coming little one, and with a firm readiness to go public with your pregnancy.

You are the gatekeeper of your privacy.

Now that you’ve examined your honest reasons, consider your privacy. Posting on social media invites your online friends to comment and respond to this development in your life.

You are the gatekeeper of your privacy and emotional well-being. But being a perfect gatekeeper, with the ability to stop all negativity or toxic interaction, goes away once you’ve posted anything online.

With that in mind, only invite people into your pregnancy experience if you want them there—if it will bring you joy. Even if you choose to make your post viewable only to certain friends by changing privacy settings on your account, remember that you're still posting to the internet. That information, once shared, is impossible to take back.

If you only want a certain number of friends to know right now, consider calling or telling them in person instead.

2. Do you desire affirmation?

Whether we like to admit it or not, we post to gain affirmation from our online community.

Psychology Today wrote in 2018, “So very powerful is this source of online affirmation, in fact, neuroimaging studies have shown that the same reward circuitry in our brains that is activated when we receive money is activated when we receive likes on one of our social media posts.”1

We often have one or two people in mind whose affirmation we crave. Name the people you are hoping to impress with this announcement. Why is their approval important to you?

Now think of the people you are worried may say something hurtful or negative. How will you feel if they respond this way? Are you ready to accept that possibility? A famous maxim attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt explained it best: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Revealing an unplanned pregnancy can be raw and emotional. After all, people will have opinions and may choose to share them with you.

3. Who should already be in the know?

The first person to consider is your partner. Does he know about the pregnancy? If you post now, will he find out over Facebook?

If you consider him and other people closest to you, like immediate family members and best friends, it will save you much unnecessary drama. These people can’t dictate how you deal with the publicity of your pregnancy, but it is important to have those conversations in person, before you post.

4. How Will You Deal with Gossip?

Some people may gossip about your pregnancy. While you cannot control their reaction, you can control the narrative.

So, how do you deal with the gossip? If you're worried about people talking about your relationship status for example, you can deal with this in two ways: give the information out so people don’t have to guess or keep what you feel is private between yourself and your partner.

Be prepared emotionally to experience nosy questions. Remind people that you’re excited to share the arrival of your child—not the private circumstances of your pregnancy or relationship.

Have someone in your corner.

I would encourage you to have a support individual or small group you can go to with your fears, your anger, and your tears if someone chooses to be a bully on social media.

My best friend knew when my pregnancy announcement was coming out and was the first to comment with total elation. She then checked in on me the next day to see how I was doing.

Having someone in your corner can make an unplanned pregnancy announcement far less intimidating.

5. How far along do you want to be?

Have you heard that some people sweat when they’re lying? I have a quirk too when I’m trying to hide something. But instead of sweating, my face looks like I need to share something. I cannot keep a secret about myself, especially not something as major as an unplanned pregnancy.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was ready to sew a scarlet letter on my shirt and proclaim the truth to everyone on campus. It’s how I wanted to deal with the embarrassment: by telling everyone as soon as possible, so I didn’t feel like I was hiding something.

However, my boss pulled me aside and advised me not to tell too many people too soon. At that point I was only 8 weeks along. He shared that his wife had just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks and that most miscarriages happen in the first trimester.

If that’s a concern for you it may be best to wait until you have completed your first trimester before going public with your big news.

6. Are you ready?

It takes courage to announce your pregnancy. So be sure to consider your expectations and fears before letting your online community know. Ask yourself:

• Do you need to simply rest in your privacy right now?
• Whose voices do you desire affirmation from?
• Is there anyone I should tell privately first?
• How far along do I want to be?

Take a journal and jot down your thoughts, feelings, and creative announcement ideas. Or externally process them with a friend over coffee.

This same friend can support you as you let your online community know about your big surprise. And they can help you plan how to announce an unplanned pregnancy on Facebook, Instagram, or any other platform.

You and your baby are worth celebrating.

When I posted the only photo I had of my bump, I expected to receive direct messages condemning me. What I discovered instead was hundreds of comments of congratulations. I was so worried about what people would think of me and eager for affirmation.

If I could go back and tell my 21-year-old self anything, it would be, “Find joy regardless of other people's opinions.” Remember that for most people scrolling past, it’s just another post.

Make this announcement in a way that honors you and your child, because a baby is worth celebrating, whether or not social media is part of the equation. Make it everything you would want if this pregnancy was planned, because being an excited and empowered mama starts now.

Here at She Might, we are so excited for you and your little one! Use the tag #shemight on your post to show us your adorable announcements. We'd love to celebrate with you in our community!