Pros and Cons of Staying with Your Parents After Having a Baby

Breana Johnson

9/10/2024

In many places around the world, new parents share their children’s milestones while living in multigenerational households with their parents. Not only is this lifestyle normal, it’s celebrated.

This isn’t the case for most Western cultures. In fact, the idea of living with your parents when you yourself become a parent may seem awkward or invasive.

With communication and the right boundaries, living with your parents as you navigate the early days of motherhood can be not only manageable but even a benefit.

Decide if living with your parents is a good idea

Two months before my son was born, my husband and I moved across the country to live with my parents. My husband was finishing his last semester of medical school and I was finishing my master’s degree.

We were in no position—logistically or financially—to sign a new lease. Our circumstances forced us to rethink our ideal setting for welcoming our new baby into the world.

Fortunately for us, my parents own a two-story house. They converted two bedrooms into a living area for us. Because of their generosity, I managed to graduate just before my son’s birth. My husband was able to grind through his clinical rotations, knowing I had support.

Everyone’s family is different with unique family dynamics. For some families, sharing a household is a blessing. For others, it’s a nightmare.

Before jumping in, it’s important to ask yourself, “Is living with my parents and my baby a good idea?”

Try writing a list of pros and cons to give yourself some clarity. Here are some general examples.

Pros:

  • Extra help with baby
  • Saving money
  • Ability to go out at night while someone is home with baby
  • Strong grandparent bond

Cons:

  • Less privacy
  • Unwanted advice/criticism
  • Opportunities for conflict

Expect to set boundaries

Unmet expectations are the root of most conflicts. Before you move in with your parents (or have the baby, if you already live with them), sit down with everyone else in the household. Discuss what each person expects from the situation.

This is the time for you to establish your boundaries. Let your parents know how much help you’d like to have…and when you’d prefer them to back off. Don’t forget to take some time to prepare for the conversation by writing out your expectations.

Enter into this discussion with an open mind and be willing to work toward compromise, if you need to. Clarifying things from the start will make coming home from the hospital a smoother transition.

Your parents also have a right to set boundaries for you. After all, it is their house. They may ask you to pay rent or contribute in other ways. It’s still their name on the lease or the mortgage.

Offer your parents a chance to share how much they’d like to be involved when the baby is born. They can explain what support they’re willing to offer, and what they expect from you.

For example, some parents are more than happy to provide a home but not to help out in any other way. While it might be frustrating to have another adult in the home available but not willing to provide childcare, keep in mind the terms you agreed to.

Expect to be your child's parent

You are your child’s parent, and therefore you’re ultimately responsible for him or her.

Your parents might have an easy time letting you parent. Even if you have a good relationship, it might be hard for them to get out of “mom and dad mode” and into “grandma and grandpa mode.” They’ve spent years raising you, and now they may slip unconsciously into trying to raise your child!

Along with this, they may also offer plenty of advice for how to care for a baby. You may be grateful for some of this— after all, anything that gets your little one to fall asleep is welcome! However, sometimes it may get annoying.

Keep in mind that grandma and grandpa can be a wealth of information. They’ve already raised a baby, after all! However, times have changed. Grandma might think that a baby needs a crib full of bumper pads, pillows, and teddy bears, even though today’s experts warn against these suffocation hazards.

The best course of action is to communicate with kindness that you would love advice—when you ask for it. If you come to them for suggestions now and then, chances are you’ll get less free and unwanted advice.

If you’ve tried everything and you still get plenty of suggestions, or worse, criticisms--try to take them in stride. Thank your parent for their input and continue to do what you know is best.

Expect to be a part of the household

If you’ve moved out previously, it might be hard to re-establish yourself as a part of your parents’ household. If you already live with your parents, you’ll likely find yourself in a new role.

Every family is different. Some people are able to operate as entirely distinct households, while others are a single nuclear family.

There’s no right or wrong formula for this. Figure out what works for you.

In my situation, we each had our own vehicle and our own schedule. As a courtesy, we let other people know when we’d be home or out of the house. We shared the kitchen and the living room and ate dinner together most nights.

For other multi-generational households, this much time spent together might be unpleasant or even impossible to coordinate. With a little trial and error, you’ll be able to figure out what feels comfortable for everyone.

Expect to leave eventually

At some point, you’ll move out of your parents’ house and start a household of your own. Keep this in mind as you build your own family subunit, whether getting a place is a next-step goal or years down the road.

You may need to leave sooner than you planned. While conflict and annoyances are an inevitable part of living with other people, constant stress should not be.

If you consistently feel disrespected, try revisiting your conversation about boundaries and expectations. If your parents aren’t receptive, it may be time to find somewhere else to live. Frame your decision as a desire to preserve your relationship with them by giving everyone a little more breathing room.

This too shall pass

You might be in high school, a recently-divorced mom of five, or a professional in a city with sky-high rent. Remember that living with your parents is just a season.