6 Things to Consider When You've Had Tough Pregnancies Before

Anja Baker

5/5/2025

You’re in the early days of pregnancy and your last one wasn’t that of “the glow” and other fairytale renditions of how pregnancy is “supposed” to go. You may be thinking you’re not sure you could physically and mentally survive the difficulties like you did last time.

It feels unfair—most pregnant women just go about their lives. People praise and admire women who were able to “do it all” while experiencing a healthy pregnancy.

Let’s chat about some ways to make it more manageable. Many women have gone before you and faced second pregnancies that were higher risk or extremely difficult, and you can do this, too.

Learn Policies and Your Rights

If you’re a working mom, check in on your health care and leave policies. If you anticipate being sick very often, having more OB appointments than the average mom, or needing bed rest, having that conversation with your employer soon will help you create a plan.

It may give you peace of mind to figure out how much time off you have available, how to request time off for medical needs, and if you will need to apply for Family Medical Leave Act to get additional time off.

If taking time off will affect your pay, take time now to project how much your pay will change so you can budget.

If your employer doesn’t offer health insurance, consider applying for Medicaid. Women often qualify for back pay if appointments can’t wait while your application processes. If your company offers matching Health Savings Account (HSA) benefits, consider saving all HSA money to meet your deductible.

Remember that an employer discriminating against you for your pregnancy status violates the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of Equal Opportunity Employment laws. If you’re taking classes at a public institution, you cannot be discriminated against under Title IX protections. If your work or classroom penalizes you with loss of participation credit, this is considered discrimination. Pregnancy appointments are as valid as any other medically excused absence. Ask your doctor for a written excuse if needed.

Finally, find out what your workplace’s maternity policy is. Many have the option to have some amount of time paid but reserve the option to have more time unpaid if desired.

If you are between jobs, find out the maternity policy before accepting a new role. Many companies have a policy of staff being on board for a number of months before the leave policy applies to them. If there is no current maternity policy, use our guide to help present one to your supervisor.

Prep Mental Health Resources

Counseling is a great way to prepare yourself for difficulties that may come. If you anticipate that it will be difficult to get out and about due to medical conditions or childcare issues, consider virtual counseling.

Talk with your workplace’s HR representative to see if they offer mental health services. Most insurance plans have a number of sessions they will cover. To find out, call the phone number on your insurance card. If you attend a university, check with the student health center or main office for free mental health resources.

Another way to look out for your own mental health is by creating a list of calming foods, activities, and gifts that you most enjoyed during your last pregnancy. These little pick-me-ups could turn your day around and are easy for loved ones to support.

If it applies to you, consider joining a support group for single moms, working moms, or pregnant women to find community. relating to someone in similar shoes helps with feelings of isolation. I joined a support group, and it was an amazing experience for me.

Hit the Pause Button

This truth is tough to face for many personality types: it’s okay to hit the pause button on many of your life activities.

It can be hard to let friends and family know that you’re taking a hiatus from a regular gathering. But being kind to yourself means being realistic about your bandwidth.

If you anticipate your participation in social eventsend will be decreasing, let your loved ones know beforehand. Help them understand that while you will be watching out for your health the next few months, you will return. This way, they can make plans for the future that still include you rather than wondering why you went MIA.

When you return, it will be a warm celebration. You are still a valuable piece of the organizations and social circles you frequent. Even those close to you may have a difficult time understanding how hard this chapter can be. Letting them know on the front end what to expect and how they can support you can reduce miscommunications down the line when you want to minimize stress as much as possible. 

Love Your OBGYN

During your last pregnancy, did your OBGYN explain and empathize with you and your situation? If you reflect on your past pregnancies and feel that you weren’t presented treatment options or much down-to-earth discussion, it may be a great time to change up your prenatal care, practices, or even hospitals.

You can change your doctor at any point in your pregnancy. If you have concerns about finding another doctor in your network, visit your insurance’s online portal or call them to ask for a list. You already know you could have pregnancy complications and extra visits. Don't waste time with a provider you don't love.

Make Sure Your People Get It

From the beginning, have an open and honest line of communication going with a few of the major people in your life. You don't owe anyone all the personal details of your life. However, it will serve you to show a bit of vulnerability with key family members, friends, and colleagues.

Educate those around you about the high-risk nature of your situation. It can be frustrating to not feel understood about the risks or your concerns, so do your best to gain some allies who remain considerate and run defense on your behalf at the office, with your extended family, or across social circles.

Try not to dwell too much on people in your life who mean well but have a hard time "getting it." It’s not fair that on top of your hardship, you have to educate those around you, but it may be helpful and necessary for your own well-being. You can create some healthy distance between you and those loved ones temporarily.

Building your support team can start with talking to your partner, boss, trusted co-worker, mom, or friend about your upcoming needs. It's important to let them know how critical they are to helping you stay grounded and healthy for the next few months.

Ask for Help

When a baby is on the way, most people leap to cute baby clothes and toys. If you already have a child, you may not need that as much as some unconventional items.

If you're dealing with morning sickness that lasts for weeks or months, extreme fatigue, or bed rest, ask for things that will help you stay off your feet. Announce to friends and family that instead of outfits and bibs, you would like disposable products through pregnancy and beyond that make mealtimes much easier. They will help you feed yourself and care for your children without the hassle of late-night dishes. These items can be added to a baby registry.

Instead of starting a meal train for postpartum, start one during the times of pregnancy when it will be hard to cook. You can explain in the description of the meal sign-up that your pregnancy renders cooking a difficult process. It's a great idea to list preferences for food if it's hard to keep most things down. Adding the option for freezer meals can be a great way to plan for unpredictable days.

Another great registry add for those experiencing prolonged nausea and sickness is vitamins and supplements. Ask your doctor what vitamins you may be lacking through your food avoidances and what vitamins may help with nausea. Supplements can be expensive, so they are great to ask for as an unconventional gift.

Consider scheduling friends and family to rotate in for help with your children and house chores. Often, our loved ones ask how they can help. So tell them! Ask them to come over and occupy your child, take them to the park, fold your laundry, or tidy up the toys. It might feel awkward at first to ask, but most people are happy to oblige with what you actually need.

You Aren't Alone

When you've had a difficult pregnancy before, it can be hard to think about doing it all over again. This time, though, you know things you didn’t know before. You have room to give yourself grace. The people around you will “get it” a little bit more. Sure, being the mythical mom who “does it all” sounds cool. But you're your own kind of superhero, with the tenacity of a dozen pregnant women.