Maybe dating as a single mother is just a thought that passes through every now and then, or maybe dating has become a constant desire. Dating can be scary, especially if you have children that will be involved.

After I became unexpectedly pregnant in college and had my son, I was nervous about dating with kids. Here are some tips on how to decide if you are ready to take this next step of dating as a single mom.

Make sure you’re ready to start dating

Being nervous to enter a relationship is normal, but there is added pressure when you know this decision will impact your child. The first step to a positive dating experience is making sure you are fully ready to embark on this new journey in life. Being ready to date again should feel like a natural push. Reflection and self-awareness help you grow and disrupt old patterns.

Before dating as a single parent, ask yourself these questions:

What lessons did I learn from my last relationship?
What am I looking for in the relationship?
What is my goal in seeking out or entering a relationship?
Is this a healthy choice for me and my children?

Whether it be for fun, meeting new people, or settling down, you deserve a safe, healthy partner that will be supportive of you and your parenting journey. There is no right or wrong time to begin dating after having children. There is no rush to fall in love. Only you can decide when you are ready.

Consider the family that you hope to create

Once you have made the decision to begin dating, try to imagine the life and the family you hope to create if you are looking for a serious relationship. Everyone’s experience is different, but after I became a single mother I didn’t want to waste time on casual dating. I am a Planner by nature. I wanted to meet someone who was interested in partnering in life with me long-term. Before making the leap into a relationship, I had to ask:

Where do I want to go in life?
Is my partner willing to make changes and sacrifices to be a good partner and a role model to my children? Do my partner and I define these roles the same way?
Where do I want to live?
What type of lifestyle do I want for my family?
What is my parenting style? Does my partner have similar values?

There are many questions to ask yourself before starting to date but enjoy the experience. Do not rush and worry. Take your time. Make choices today that lead toward the future you hope for, and choose partners that support that future. Do not ever settle, especially for a partner that does not encourage your goals or share your values.

You are also the advocate for your children. Make sure your potential partner can contribute to their happiness, as well.

Trust your gut instincts

This may be cliché, but it still holds true. Always trust your gut. Your body senses when something is not right or when something is simply not meant to be. Your instincts can tell you so much about a situation if you simply listen.

If you are feeling uneasy, slow down, take a deep breath and make space for what your intuition is telling you–even if it’s painful or disappointing to hear. List out the pros and cons of your relationship with this individual. Consider these questions:

Am I happy?
Am I comfortable?
How do my kids behave towards this new person?

Dating the right person at the right time should simply flow along. It should feel healthy and calm. Trust yourself!

Never hesitate to communicate with your child and partner

There are different opinions on this topic, but communication with your child about changes in your lives together is key. Be open with your child about dating. Help them understand that it is a healthy, natural way of life. Communicate your feelings to your children, and let them respond to you.

If you both feel comfortable, then you may consider introducing your partner to your children, if you believe your partner is a good fit for your family. And if your partner is not a good fit for your family, consider whether he is truly a good fit for you.

When dating, your priorities may change to accommodate your partner. However, keeping a healthy balance is key. Make sure you are putting the right energy into the right places and people. Maintain positive energy for your children. Make sure dating does not become more important than your relationship with your children.

Be confident

Finally, do not hesitate to be confident in yourself! You may struggle with doubt because you have children now. You may have insecurities and worries. Do not accept the lie that you have to settle for less because you have kids.

Check your standards. You deserve someone who will love and respect you and your family. You are worth so much. Love yourself and enter the dating pool with your head held high, knowing what you want and finding it.

The beginning of something wonderful

Dating doesn’t have to be a stressful time. As a single mom who works so hard for her children, you deserve happiness. You deserve a partner to love you like no other. You deserve the wholesome, fulfilling life that you always dreamed about. Let dating life unfold on its own timeline — no rush, no pressure, no doubts. Simply live it and have fun.