You’ve always had it all together, but now you’re unexpectedly pregnant. You don’t feel like you have it all together anymore. You feel like you’ve failed. You believe that you’ve turned a corner, and not for the better.

C. S. Lewis once wrote, “What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing.” I am here to tell you that from where I am standing, you have not failed.

I may not know your exact situation, but I do know what it’s like to be in your position, and I see that you are strong. Here is why:

Your pregnancy doesn’t change your value as a person.

I read the pregnancy test and thought, “You’re so stupid. How could you have let this happen?”

My self shaming began long before I told anyone that I was pregnant. I could not believe I had failed myself in such a huge way. It didn’t matter what choice I made about the pregnancy, my opinion of myself had forever been altered.

When I was faced with an unexpected pregnancy, I felt crushed. I was a straight A student, a violinist, and a competitive equestrian. I had plans for high school, college, and beyond—that did not include an unexpected pregnancy. Sure, having children sounded great, but only when it fell into my plan.

According to the She Might Clarity Quiz, I’m an Achiever.

No surprise there, my core concern was not living up to my full potential, fulfilling my hopes, dreams and goals.

This was true in every area of my life. I thought I was only going to have love, friends, and a job by being exceptional. Anything I deemed as a “failure” would have distorted my view of myself. It could have been a bad grade, not placing in an equestrian competition, or not being perceived as the best violinist in the studio—but my misstep was getting pregnant. Ultimately, an unexpected pregnancy made me face my perfectionist tendencies.

What I didn't know, even before my pregnancy, was that I was worthy even if I wasn’t successful.

I know. Take a moment and let that sink in.

Think of the one single thing you could do that would make you feel successful. You probably can’t think of one thing, can you? You would have never been successful enough to satisfy your need to achieve. As Angelica Schuyler said, “You’ll never be satisfied.”

And now you are pregnant. There is no way to erase that reality. But you can change how you view yourself for becoming pregnant.

You’re not stupid.

Your worth is not based on this circumstance.

You’re still you. An incredible, bright, beautiful, successful woman.

Your worth is not based on what people think of you.

What about the people who support you? When faced with an unexpected pregnancy, the thought of facing others can be more overwhelming than the pregnancy itself. I assumed I would get intrusive questions, judgments, and remarks on how I had become a disappointment.

I was the only person in my social circle with an unexpected pregnancy so I felt isolated and alone in this experience. I wish I had known back then that I was not alone. According to America’s Health Ranking, half of the pregnancies in the United States are unintended! A lot more people than I realized could relate to what I was going through. I wish I had known how many women could relate to my experience when I was facing my unexpected pregnancy. I was in no way alone.

Your worth as an individual is not based on how others view you. What I quickly realized was that the people who made those remarks had no bearing on who I had become. I had worked hard to get to where I was in life, and no one could take my accomplishments away from me. Nor could anyone make a bump in the road a life-altering travesty.

You can still create the life you’ve dreamed of, even with an unexpected pregnancy. I learned to let go of what others thought by reminding myself that I had never let others influence my life—and this was not the time to start letting them.

You can still accomplish your goals

Getting pregnant unexpectedly means what it says. You got pregnant when it wasn’t part of your plan, either in general or at this time of your life.But that does not mean you have failed on your plans. Dig in deep to your ability to problem solve.

This isn’t the first challenge you have faced, and it certainly won’t be the last. Allow yourself to still plan, dream, and envision your life. Nothing has stopped you yet! This doesn’t have to either.

Map out your goals

What did you want out of life before your pregnancy? Write it down. How are you going to achieve that goal now? How does this pregnancy practically impact your plans and what can you do to overcome those obstacles? The hurdles you have to jump may look high. But you have to take a breath, believe you can do it and take a leap.

Learn to ask for help

I still had responsibilities – and I needed help from others to get them done. Asking for help was not a weakness, but self-awareness of my ability for the time being. A season of need does not make you needy.

A fellow She Might author and Achiever, Alice Tucker shared, “While it is true that I received a lot of help from friends and family during the transition to parenthood, I found that I did not need as much help as I thought in the long-term. I found that in many ways my ability to contribute to others actually increased.”

Seek out community

As someone who feels a strong drive to achieve, it is easy for me to isolate myself under the guise of wanting to accomplish everything myself and my way. It can be hard to share your pregnancy news with family members, friends or other supporters you have in your circle. But people are not made to live in isolation.

When you surround yourself with loving people, whether or not they relate to your exact situation, you create for yourself a community that can support you through this difficult time but also for the rest of your life. They are always there to remind you that your identity is not in your achievements or failures but in being uniquely you..

You are valuable!

Ultimately, what I learned through my unexpected pregnancy is that I am my harshest critic. Sure, some people were surprised I was in this situation, but nobody berated me the way I berated myself. I began to take steps to learn how to love myself, flaws and all. If you want to learn more about my story and how my unexpected pregnancy changed my life for the better, you can do so here.

Having to re-envision my life plan allowed me to realize that a change of plans doesn’t make me a failure, it makes me an overcomer. I got connected through  a community group at my church, I reached out to the people who showered me with encouragement, and I learned to realize that my value as an individual is not based on taking care of others or living up to anyone’s expectations.

Place yourself in a position that allows you to see yourself as successful, valuable, and complete, even when your life takes an unexpected turn.