I sat under a tree curled up in a fetal position. Thoughts tumbled out of my mind in an unrelenting stream…

How could I be so dumb?

How could this happen to me?

What do I do now?

An unexpected pregnancy is daunting. Millions of women—moms, CEO’s, college students, teens—have experienced an unexpected pregnancy test result.

The decision each woman faces is unique depending on her personal story, where she lives, and the community available to support her.

If you are terrified of this pregnancy, I want you to know a few things:

Scared of How the Pregnancy Will Change My Life

Despite what you may be hearing from society, your friends or family, and even yourself, you don’t need to feel guilty. You are not a failure, and you are not defined by your unexpected pregnancy.

Pregnancy may change many things in your life like how you use your time and money—but it doesn’t have to change you.

If you choose to become a mom, you can still be the person you are striving to become. Your dreams do not have to die. You may have to take a different path, and it may be harder, but you can still accomplish your goals and succeed. In fact, parenthood might introduce new and cherished aspirations, people, and opportunities in your life that you would not have otherwise encountered.

Jessica  had always dreamt of attending medical school and found out she was pregnant soon after college graduation. She wrote, “The moment I found out that I was pregnant, one of the first thoughts I remember having was ‘My career is over. I cannot go to medical school now.’ That thought, fortunately, did not take hold in my mind or last very long. I have always been a pretty determined person, and I made an active decision that I was not going to allow this to derail my plans for my own life. I was just going to make somebody else a part of them now.”

Scared of People Thinking of Me Differently

As someone who grew up in a religious, homeschooled community, I was terrified of how people would treat me because of my pregnancy when I wasn’t married.

I was very fortunate that my boyfriend’s family and mine were both supportive. I told a few friends and they rallied around me with phone calls, shopping trips, and Pinterest boards for baby planning.

I didn’t let many people know I was pregnant and waited until my third trimester to post about it on social media. You're the gatekeeper of your privacy and it is up to you to decide how you share your news. Of course, you can’t hide your bump forever, but you don’t have to give details to people who don’t deserve them.

You might get a range of positive and negative reactions to your pregnancy news. While some people can brush off others’ opinions, I cannot. I will lose sleep contemplating how someone may interpret a remark I made. My unexpected pregnancy taught me who was or wasn’t in my corner.

Jessica shared her experience sharing the news, “One friend’s words remain with me to this day: ‘No one stays mad about a baby.’ Maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it has been true for us (even the person who hurtfully said they would never love the baby).”

When someone close to you says hurtful things about your pregnancy, it can be complicated to navigate the relationship. Annalise shares how her father rejected her because of her pregnancy and how she navigated the estrangement.

No matter how long you've known someone, or what history you have with them, if someone thinks the worst of you for becoming pregnant, you have to decide if they are worth having in your circle. Remember, you deserve people who will unconditionally support you.

Scared I Cannot Do It

You might be thinking, “That’s cool, but I truly do not have enough [fill in the blank] to make this happen.”

Maybe you already have kids and you don’t know how it will work with another.

Maybe you have health issues.

Maybe you don’t want to do this alone.

Maybe you’re in an abusive relationship.

Mom of three, Charity wrote:

“At that point in time, adding another person to the family seemed impossible: logically it made no sense, emotionally it was overwhelming, and logistically (down to simply fitting another baby in the house) it felt like a nightmare. I was already struggling to meet the needs of my two other small children.

Eventually, I chose to acknowledge that this unexpected change would be difficult. But that it could also be good. I have grown to realize that the two, difficult and good, can co-exist.

There are so many valid reasons why this can seem impossible to you. But I can tell you so many crazy stories of women who’ve made it happen.”

Sometimes you need help finding a way around the barriers that are in your life. If you have a therapist or a mentor, they may be really helpful. She Might also provides Clarity Coaching to help women figure out how to make their desired outcome of the unexpected pregnancy.

Don’t Give Up on Yourself

An unexpected pregnancy is scary. It introduces new unknowns that you have to figure out. It is totally okay to be nervous. But don’t let those negative feelings define you or your capabilities.

After my pregnancy, I started doing what my community expected without much thought. I got married, I moved to a new city, and I became a stay-at-home mom because these things were expected of me. I don’t regret getting married and starting a family. What I do regret was temporarily giving up on myself.

I didn’t think my dreams and desires were worth fighting for. It took me a few years before I got up the courage to apply for grad school programs and jobs that I wanted to pursue. But it wasn’t my pregnancy's fault that I lost myself for those years: it was mine for believing I couldn’t live my life with a child.

As an unexpected mom who has witnessed the incredible things that women who suddenly found themselves to be parents have accomplished, I believe you have a bright future ahead of you. I won’t lie: this probably won't be easy. But I can confidently say that you are smart, strong, and savvy enough to get through this.